Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Posted on 7th March 20247th March 2024 by McAlister Family Law

Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Whilst Mother’s Day is a special time of year, celebrating the enduring love and connection between mothers and their children, for many families, it can be a difficult day. Here, Charlotte Procter looks at how communication, flexibility and planning can keep the best interest of the Child/ren at heart when Co-parenting on Mother’s Day.

There are now over 2.5 million separated families in the UK and this occasion can especially present practical challenges and emotional complexities for families post-separation.

Research consistently underscores the benefits of children maintaining positive relationships with both parents post-separation. These benefits include improved emotional resilience, academic performance, and overall well-being.

It is important that parents remain focused on what is best for the children and take into consideration their wishes and feelings. It is also important to bear in mind the emotional impact on the child if they were not to see their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally if they were not able to see their father on Father’s Day.

An unamicable breakup can involve emotions and resentment. It is important for parents not to allow these feelings to impact their child’s relationship with their other parent. If a child is aware of hostility between their parents, this can have a negative impact on their relationship with their parents.

Special occasions such as Mother’s Day can often be overlooked by parents when making agreements in relation to contact, and making these agreements can be a big task for parents who are not on amicable terms.

Planning in Advance

It is therefore beneficial that discussions about special occasions are had in advance, allowing arrangements to be made in enough time. Having a clear and agreed plan will benefit the children and remove any uncertainty.

Communication is Key

It is also important that parents maintain open and respectful communication whilst making these arrangements. Co-parenting apps, such as talking parents, can assist parents in agreeing contact arrangements for the children.

Remain Flexible

Parents will need to remain flexible with the arrangements made and ensure they remain child focused as changes may need to be made to these arrangements as the children get older.

It may be that the parents already have an agreement in place and Mother’s Day may fall on a day when the child is meant to be with their father. It may therefore be necessary for parents to swap or change weekends to allow the child to spend time with their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally for them to spend time with their father on Father’s Day.

These arrangements can be even more difficult for LGBTQ families as they may need to consider whether to split the day or alternate years.

Encouragement

It is important for parents to support their children in expressing their love and appreciation for their other parent on special occasions, and if they are able to, to help them plan thoughtful gestures or gifts.

Another important consideration is ensuring that children feel like they have the endorsement of the other parent to have a good time, to enable them to make positive memories on important special occasions like Mother’s Day.

Other Options Available

If parents cannot reach an agreement between themselves, going to mediation may be useful. This is a cheaper alternative than going to court and the mediators can help the parents to reach an agreement.

Another useful option, before considering seeking assistance from the courts, may be to seek advice from a qualified solicitor or legal professional.

However, in situations where an agreement has broken down or cannot be reached, it may be necessary for parents to look to the family to court to help them define the time that the children spend with each parent. The child’s welfare is of paramount importance within the family court and so, as part of the court procedures, the child’s wishes and feeling are taken into account.

Regardless of how parents may feel about one another co-parenting is a collaborative effort. By prioritising open communication and making practical agreements, separated parents can create meaningful Mother’s Day celebrations ensuring their children make positive memories with both parents.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

Peaceful co-parenting at Christmas

Posted on 11th December 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Peaceful co-parenting at Christmas

As the festive season is rapidly approaching, most parents are busy planning the Christmas shop, visiting Santa and ensuring that the Christmas elves know what is on their children’s wish list. Here, Amanda McAlister, Managing Partner of McAlister Family Law, looks at the stresses of separated families over Christmas and offers her top tips for peaceful co-parenting.

For separated parents, deciding how the children are to spend their time over Christmas can be extremely stressful, especially when they do not agree. If arrangements are not finalised before the festive break, this can lead to tensions becoming even more fraught, the result being that no one actually then looks forward to Christmas, never mind enjoying it.

As expert child and family lawyers, we are starting to see a significant increase in client enquiries surrounding Christmas contact. Such enquiries vary from how a parent can prevent the other from seeing the children, to imposing a contact arrangement that is unfair to the other. As Christmas is the most magical time of the year, emotions are high, and people do tend to become entrenched in their positions.

I am a divorce parent with two children. I share care with my ex-husband and therefore have experience not only as a children lawyer but also as a parent who does not always see my children on Christmas day. I recently appeared on the BBC Morning Live programme to talk about my top tips for peaceful parenting over the festive period which are:

Children come first.

Remember that Christmas is about what is right for the children. Not what is right for you personally, Grandma or Christmas routines that have previously been in place. Children can adapt and should grow up having memories of special times with both parents. Not just one.

Santa can multitask.

With notification, Santa can multitask and deliver presents to multiple addresses.

Whilst the law does not set out precise rules on how contact should be divided, the view is that children should spend Christmas with both parents. This can be achieved by one parent having Christmas Eve until 2pm on Christmas day and the other having the rest of the time on Christmas day through to the 27^thof December. This arrangement would then be alternated the following year.

For those that don’t relish the thought of a child’s Christmas day being interrupted by going to the other parents halfway through the day, they can agree an arrangement which will involve the children spending Christmas Eve to Boxing day with one parent and then boxing day through to the 27^th or 28^th with the other. Again, this is alternated. This has always worked for my children as they then get to relax and enjoy presents for the whole day and are less grumpy on boxing day when they come to me or go to their dads.

Grow with the children.

Arrangements that were right for a child at 4 years of age may not be right for when they are 14. Trying to force arrangements on older children can create further upset and distress which should be avoided. If you have teenage children, talk to them about what would work for them. This way they feel that they are being listened to and will actually engage in the family celebrations.

Christmas giving

Whilst relations with your ex may still be raw or tense, it is important that this is not seen or felt by the children. If they know that one parent is not happy with the arrangements and makes that clear verbally or through actions, it will impact on the children’s ability to relax and have a good time. This can have consequences in terms of how a child in the long run will recollect their enjoyment of Christmas. Always try to buy a small gift for the children to take to the other parent’s house and encourage them to write a nice card to take with them. That way the children feel that they have the endorsement of the parent that they are not with that day to have a good time.

Co-parenting can be tough but if you always have what is right for the children at the forefront of your mind you will get it right. My son is now approaching 15years of age. He regularly reminds his father and I that we are an “embarrassment” and “sad”. The message that I am trying to get across, is that time flies and before you know it, they do not really want to spend time with either parent. The creation of special memories is what life is about and finding peace is the key to that.

If you or someone you know is affected by the issues raised in this blog post, we can provide you with expert legal advice. For more information, please get in touch with our specialist team at hello@mcalisterfamilylaw.co.uk

A loving home – best Christmas present ever

Posted on 6th December 2023 by McAlister Family Law

A loving home – best Christmas present ever

One year ago, John Lewis’ Christmas advert aimed to shine a light on the importance of foster carers, yet new figures from OFSTED have shown a loss of foster care families and an increase in children being placed far from home. Here, Nick Hodson looks at the situation and how The Department of Education plans to turn it around.

Let me take you back 12 months to the 2022 John Lewis Christmas advert. In it, a middle-aged man is on a mission to learn how to skateboard. He spends weeks trying to master this difficult skill and suffers some bumps and bruises along the way. It is revealed at the end of the advert what his hard work was all about. Along with his partner, he was expecting the arrival of a foster child, Ellie, who loves to skateboard. Ellie was nervous at first about the new house but softens when she spots the carer’s skateboard and poorly arm. His hard work was designed to make Ellie feel comfortable in her new home.

This week, new figures from OFSTED, have shown that there has been a net loss of 1,000 foster care families in the past year and a record number of children being placed far from home. Social workers have described scrambling to find friends and family to take children in urgent need of safety and reported that children are sometimes placed in hotels.

It is estimated that 6,000 new foster families will be needed to meet rising demand.

“We need a lot more foster carers,” said John Pearce, the president of the Association of Directors of Children’s Services. “You used to be able to get a place quickly for younger children. But in significant parts of the country that’s not the case anymore, and that’s driven by a significant increase in the children coming into care.”

In some cases, councils lacking local foster vacancies are sending children hundreds of miles away, breaking family and school ties. There has been a 7% increase in the number of children in care since 2019 in England. But in the past year almost twice as many households quit mainstream fostering than joined. Reasons cited include the rising cost of looking after children and older foster parents choosing to quit after the pandemic.

The Department of Education is launching a £27m recruitment and retention programme, which began in September in the north-east, where demand has soared, and will spread to more than half of England’s local authorities from next April.

One of the joys of representing children is seeing the impact of a positive foster placement on the child’s wellbeing. It can provide them with the safety, stability, and love that they might been deprived of by their birth families. For older children, it can give them the best platform to enter adulthood.

Let us hope that the new campaign will bring the thousands of new families into the fostering system and that many more children like Ellie can live in safe and loving homes.

How the Metaverse may change the way separated parents spend time with their children.

Posted on 24th November 202225th November 2022 by McAlister Family Law

How the Metaverse may change the way separated parents spend time with their children.

We have all had to adjust to a very different way of life since the pandemic hit and the world has learnt to embrace a more “remote” approach to our day-to-day existence. Here, Nicola Bradley looks at the role the metaverse could play in the time parents can spend with their children.

Whilst most of our daily lives are now continuing as they were pre-pandemic; our tech giants have not lost their enthusiasm for expanding our virtual world. Earlier this year, Mark Zuckerburg announced the creation of a new remote platform that he promises will be revolutionary and life changing for us all. That platform is the Metaverse. Whilst video calls over skype, WhatsApp and Zoom are a widely and commonly used way of separated parents connecting with their children, the Metaverse promises to take this one-dimensional way of interacting and turn it on its head. It sounds fascinating but the question is, will the Metaverse actually change the way parents approach arrangements for spending time with their children, and can this new platform ever be a real (or even preferred) alternative to face to face time in “the real world”.

The Metaverse may sound mysterious but in reality, it is simply the internet but in 3D. It is a virtual reality world parallel to the physical one we all live in and will become home to digital avatars of yourself, your family, work colleagues and friends. For a parent that lives in a different country to the children and perhaps only see their children face to face a handful of times each year, this could be a really wonderful way of connecting with their little ones. Mark Zuckerberg’s “Quest Pro” virtual reality headset merges digital content with your real life surroundings, which could truly transform parenting from a distance and raise the quality of indirect contact in a way we have not imagined to be possible until now.

The Metaverse is not yet up and running however and still in the embryonic stages of existence with some worrying issues that would need to be ironed out before it could ever be considered and safe and secure platform of communication between parents and children. Meta (formerly Facebook) currently has one virtual reality world known as Horizon, and Horizon has already come under criticism for reports of avatars behaving violently. The internet is a difficult place to manage for children at the best of times and this new platform of communication certainly raises key issues regarding the safety of children online and how parents will be able to manage that.

Modern families do need modern ways of spending time with each other, but the fast development of communication technology can be both a blessing and a curse. Should the vision for the Metaverse be realised, virtual reality is likely to become a heavy feature in our everyday lives and it will doubtless be used by parents as a means to play, engage and spend time with their children. It could be no replacement, however, for going on real life adventures and a cuddle at night time when putting your children to bed. The development of the Metaverse will certainly be interesting to watch, but its replacement for face-to-face relationships remains unconvincing.