Peaceful co-parenting at Christmas

Posted on 11th December 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Peaceful co-parenting at Christmas

As the festive season is rapidly approaching, most parents are busy planning the Christmas shop, visiting Santa and ensuring that the Christmas elves know what is on their children’s wish list. Here, Amanda McAlister, Managing Partner of McAlister Family Law, looks at the stresses of separated families over Christmas and offers her top tips for peaceful co-parenting.

For separated parents, deciding how the children are to spend their time over Christmas can be extremely stressful, especially when they do not agree. If arrangements are not finalised before the festive break, this can lead to tensions becoming even more fraught, the result being that no one actually then looks forward to Christmas, never mind enjoying it.

As expert child and family lawyers, we are starting to see a significant increase in client enquiries surrounding Christmas contact. Such enquiries vary from how a parent can prevent the other from seeing the children, to imposing a contact arrangement that is unfair to the other. As Christmas is the most magical time of the year, emotions are high, and people do tend to become entrenched in their positions.

I am a divorce parent with two children. I share care with my ex-husband and therefore have experience not only as a children lawyer but also as a parent who does not always see my children on Christmas day. I recently appeared on the BBC Morning Live programme to talk about my top tips for peaceful parenting over the festive period which are:

Children come first.

Remember that Christmas is about what is right for the children. Not what is right for you personally, Grandma or Christmas routines that have previously been in place. Children can adapt and should grow up having memories of special times with both parents. Not just one.

Santa can multitask.

With notification, Santa can multitask and deliver presents to multiple addresses.

Whilst the law does not set out precise rules on how contact should be divided, the view is that children should spend Christmas with both parents. This can be achieved by one parent having Christmas Eve until 2pm on Christmas day and the other having the rest of the time on Christmas day through to the 27^thof December. This arrangement would then be alternated the following year.

For those that don’t relish the thought of a child’s Christmas day being interrupted by going to the other parents halfway through the day, they can agree an arrangement which will involve the children spending Christmas Eve to Boxing day with one parent and then boxing day through to the 27^th or 28^th with the other. Again, this is alternated. This has always worked for my children as they then get to relax and enjoy presents for the whole day and are less grumpy on boxing day when they come to me or go to their dads.

Grow with the children.

Arrangements that were right for a child at 4 years of age may not be right for when they are 14. Trying to force arrangements on older children can create further upset and distress which should be avoided. If you have teenage children, talk to them about what would work for them. This way they feel that they are being listened to and will actually engage in the family celebrations.

Christmas giving

Whilst relations with your ex may still be raw or tense, it is important that this is not seen or felt by the children. If they know that one parent is not happy with the arrangements and makes that clear verbally or through actions, it will impact on the children’s ability to relax and have a good time. This can have consequences in terms of how a child in the long run will recollect their enjoyment of Christmas. Always try to buy a small gift for the children to take to the other parent’s house and encourage them to write a nice card to take with them. That way the children feel that they have the endorsement of the parent that they are not with that day to have a good time.

Co-parenting can be tough but if you always have what is right for the children at the forefront of your mind you will get it right. My son is now approaching 15years of age. He regularly reminds his father and I that we are an “embarrassment” and “sad”. The message that I am trying to get across, is that time flies and before you know it, they do not really want to spend time with either parent. The creation of special memories is what life is about and finding peace is the key to that.

If you or someone you know is affected by the issues raised in this blog post, we can provide you with expert legal advice. For more information, please get in touch with our specialist team at hello@mcalisterfamilylaw.co.uk

A loving home – best Christmas present ever

Posted on 6th December 2023 by McAlister Family Law

A loving home – best Christmas present ever

One year ago, John Lewis’ Christmas advert aimed to shine a light on the importance of foster carers, yet new figures from OFSTED have shown a loss of foster care families and an increase in children being placed far from home. Here, Nick Hodson looks at the situation and how The Department of Education plans to turn it around.

Let me take you back 12 months to the 2022 John Lewis Christmas advert. In it, a middle-aged man is on a mission to learn how to skateboard. He spends weeks trying to master this difficult skill and suffers some bumps and bruises along the way. It is revealed at the end of the advert what his hard work was all about. Along with his partner, he was expecting the arrival of a foster child, Ellie, who loves to skateboard. Ellie was nervous at first about the new house but softens when she spots the carer’s skateboard and poorly arm. His hard work was designed to make Ellie feel comfortable in her new home.

This week, new figures from OFSTED, have shown that there has been a net loss of 1,000 foster care families in the past year and a record number of children being placed far from home. Social workers have described scrambling to find friends and family to take children in urgent need of safety and reported that children are sometimes placed in hotels.

It is estimated that 6,000 new foster families will be needed to meet rising demand.

“We need a lot more foster carers,” said John Pearce, the president of the Association of Directors of Children’s Services. “You used to be able to get a place quickly for younger children. But in significant parts of the country that’s not the case anymore, and that’s driven by a significant increase in the children coming into care.”

In some cases, councils lacking local foster vacancies are sending children hundreds of miles away, breaking family and school ties. There has been a 7% increase in the number of children in care since 2019 in England. But in the past year almost twice as many households quit mainstream fostering than joined. Reasons cited include the rising cost of looking after children and older foster parents choosing to quit after the pandemic.

The Department of Education is launching a £27m recruitment and retention programme, which began in September in the north-east, where demand has soared, and will spread to more than half of England’s local authorities from next April.

One of the joys of representing children is seeing the impact of a positive foster placement on the child’s wellbeing. It can provide them with the safety, stability, and love that they might been deprived of by their birth families. For older children, it can give them the best platform to enter adulthood.

Let us hope that the new campaign will bring the thousands of new families into the fostering system and that many more children like Ellie can live in safe and loving homes.

What is co-parenting and how does it work?

Posted on 27th November 2023 by McAlister Family Law

What is co-parenting and how does it work?

If you have recently separated from your partner and trying to navigate the arrangements for your child(ren) you might have heard the word “co-parenting” and wondered what it means. Here, Melissa Jones, Senior Associate at McAlister Family Law, looks at the term and how it applies it practice.

What is co-parenting?

Cafcass, the advisory service to the court, describe co-parenting as “‘Co-parent’ is a shortened version of ‘co-operative parent’, and co-operation is essential to making things work well for children”.

A few examples of co-parenting are:

Using positive language about the other parent.
Avoid using the term ‘my child’ and instead use ‘our child/children’
Sharing information about your child with the other parent
Avoid involving the children in adult issues that do not concern them or using the children as a ‘go-between’

It is always worth remembering that despite however much we plan for something, things might not work out in the way we want them. Expect a few bumps along the way, as you and the other parent get used to sharing the responsibility for the children.

Can co-parenting really work?

Co-parenting is something that needs time to embed but there is no reason why it cannot work for families.

Take former England Rugby player Ben Foden and his former partner, Una Healey from the Saturdays for example. They have two children aged 11 and 8 and Mr Foden lives in New York with his wife and their own child. Una has recently said the following about co-parenting: “I’m really happy for them that they have summers in New York and that they’re making lovely memories with their dad, stepmother and sister,” and “Our dynamic is probably different to many people’s, but there are lots of people who have families where the parents aren’t together any more. You just manage it as best you can.”

Parenting Apps

The court is especially keen on separated parents using co-parenting apps to assist with their communication and making decisions. In some cases, the use of these apps might help you avoid court all together and they you share calendars and send secure communication.

There are a number of co-parenting apps such as:

Our Family Wizard
2 houses
Talking Parents

Civil, clear and positive communication between is key for co- [parenting to work. Using an app will often give parents less to worry about and in some cases the apps and they can be inexpensive when considered the cost of going to court.

When might co-parenting not work?

There may however be cases where co-parenting cannot work and in particular where there have been findings made relating to domestic abuse or there is an injunction in place which means it would not be appropriate for parents to be in communication with one another. In these cases, other provisions will need to be considered by the parties in terms of a parent being updated about a child and the court might encourage the use of a third party, for example.

A Child’s Gender Identity – Who Decides?

Posted on 28th July 202328th July 2023 by McAlister Family Law

A Child’s Gender Identity – Who Decides?

NHS statistics indicate that referrals for children wishing to change genders have rocketed in the past 5 years, initiating worldwide debate as to how to respond to this in a societal and legislative sense. Here, Eleanor Drury looks at how parents, schools, and the government approach the gender identity of children and the implications teachers face without the government’s promised guidance.

A child’s gender identity, who decides? A proposed bill in California, Assembly Bill 957, also known as the Transgender, Gender-Diverse and Intersex Youth Empowerment Act, would seek to brand parents as abusive if they refuse to affirm their transgender child’s identity and let children’s social services intervene in instances of the same.

The act stresses that it is part of a child’s health, safety and welfare for parents to support their child’s self-proclaimed gender identity and allows the courts to consider parental responses to these sorts of issues when determining custody disputes, further encouraging the judiciary to strongly consider that affirming a child’s gender identity should fall within the realms of best interest decision making.

Here in the UK, legislators have taken a contrasting approach, with Suella Braverman MP stating that schools have no legal obligations which require them to address children by their preferred pronouns or names, nor accommodate them in opposite sex toilets or sports teams. In addition, the UK government are rumoured to be introducing new guidance which instructs teachers not to use a new name or pronoun, as requested by the student, without obtaining parental consent first.

Of course, the government must consider the implications this may have on children, with some educators accusing the government of creating an ‘atmosphere of fear’ whereby transgender children cannot access support from their teachers, along with potentially opening the floodgates for breaches of confidentiality claims. In addition, guidance such as this creates a particularly tricky environment to navigate given that it is common across schools nationwide for teachers to allow, and join in with, children being referred to by a name different to that which they were registered at birth with, such as a nickname. Schools will be no doubt be keen to ensure that they do not fall risk to direct discrimination complaints.

In modern society, the issue of children and gender identity is likely to continue to hit the headlines as reports of transgender and gender-fluid children soar. Government guidance is desperately needed in order to provide clarification in this controversial area and allow schools some relief from being caught in the crossfire of opposing views and beliefs. Last month, teachers at a school in Sussex were subject to controversy following the publishing of a secret recording in which teenage pupils were debating whether a person could identify as a cat, with one student brandishing this as ‘crazy’, only to be told by the teacher that these views were ‘despicable’, adding that if they didn’t like this, they need to find a different school. It appears that teachers are understandably fearful of what they say, and the consequences of the same, and therefore struggle to respond to students in a sensible and honest way. Without clear boundaries in this area, it can be argued that debates such as this only delegitimise and stigmatise young transgender people. The Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL) state that this underlines the need for the government to publish its promised guidance on children and gender identity, which the ASCL sought over 5 years ago.

Whilst it is extremely unlikely that any future guidance published in the UK will be so inclusive as to include children who wish to identify as animals, It will certainly be interesting to see if clarification will finally be provided for educators, and whether UK legislators are influenced by the differing proposals of the US in respect of gender dysphoria. Could it be that UK children’s social care may be forced to intervene in instances of disagreement between parent/guardian, and child?

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

Posted on 16th February 202316th February 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – Do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

The futuristic pop star, Grimes, and her equally eccentric, billionaire boyfriend, Elon Musk, are one of the most famous pairings in the world for many reasons. One of which, is their unique parenting style. Here, Nikki Bradley looks at how Grimes and Musk coparent their children and discusses why it’s okay to break the parenting ‘norms’.

She has been described as the visionary inventor of “space opera” and he as a genius supervillain. We don’t quite understand them or the nature of their relationship and despite reports they are no longer together, Grimes herself has described their relationship status in the past as “very fluid”. Our curiosity for the pair only grew when their first child together, X Æ A-Xii, was born in May 2020. The pair have since welcomed their second child, Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, born in January 2022.

A quick google of “Grimes and Elon Musk” shows the top results that follow are “baby name”, “baby”, “kids”. The otherworldly names of their children and the manner of their parenting is striking. Their children are being raised differently and the world wants to know more.

“Maybe he can sense my distaste for the word ‘mother’… I can’t identify with it”

Grimes has spoken openly about motherhood and parenting, including her decision to live apart from Elon Musk despite being romantically attached and raising two children together. Although their non-conventional parenting style does not come as surprising, one of the most shocking revelations came when Grimes revealed to Vogue that her son calls her by her real name, Claire.

She went on to explain that whilst she respects the title “mum”, it is not a term she identifies with, and she believes her son can sense her distaste for it.

“I love playing devil’s advocate, questioning my beliefs, making hard pivots”

By her own above admission, Grimes thrives off being an unconventional boundary pusher. However, when it comes to parenting and children, quirky attitudes and behaviours scare people. We may regard the age we live in as progressive, but society’s view of parenting remains incredibly conservative.

Grimes is right to challenge this.

The world thinks she and Elon Musk are weird because their style and approach to co-parenting does not fit society’s definition of “normal”.

There is no “normal” when it comes to parenting, nor is there a “perfect” way to raise your child. Children need love, protection and nurturing and a happy child will be raised in a household that keeps them safe and emotionally secure.

First time parents in particular often feel an overwhelming pressure to do things “right”. You are doing it “right” as long as you are meeting your child’s needs and acting in their best interests. The road you take to achieve that is up to you entirely.

Breaking the mould

Being a parent is not about trying to make the rest of the world happy or doing what other people tell you is correct. Being a parent is about doing right by your child and nobody else but you knows how best to do this. If you try and fit another person’s parenting mould it will feel uncomfortable, and your child will sense it. You do not want to end up a square peg in a round hole.

Do not be afraid to choose your own parenting path. Even if you are in a committed relationship with your co-parent, it may be that the “apartners” approach (committed romantically but living apart) as favoured by Grimes, is right for you and your children. It may not be a conventional but if you and your children are happy, nothing else matters.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

How to cope with long-distance parenting

Posted on 2nd February 2023 by McAlister Family Law

How to cope with long-distance parenting

In an increasingly mobile world following the Covid-19 pandemic, where more of us than ever are moving out of cities as we work from home or in a hybrid fashion, how does this impact parents who live a significant distance away from the other parent? Here, Michael Compston looks at how long-distance parenting can work though direct and indirect contact, and how the school holidays can be your friend.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, nearly half[1] of all adults were working from home at least some of the time, and 8 out of 10 adults indicate that they want to work from home in a hybrid manner moving forward.

This has led to an exodus of city dwellers as families look for more space and greener living, now that they are not as constrained by the 9-5 office job that they once were.

This will likely lead to an increase in children being relocated and, ultimately, more instances where there is a significant distance between both parents. Children can only attend one school, so how can parents agree arrangements that work for the child/ren?

The reality is that, whilst both parents will have involvement in the child’s life, the child will have one ‘home’ such that the child lives with one parent and spends time with another.

Perhaps even more so than under other circumstances, communication between the parents is vital. The parent with whom the child lives must ensure that the child’s relationship with the other parent is protected and given the chance to develop even with the distances between the parents. There are several ways that this can be done:

Direct contact

Whatever the distance, we will all travel for our children. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re the parent that lives a significant distance away from your child, any time you get with your child will be precious. It will not be suitable, for example, to return the child to school on Monday given the distances involved. Instead, think about maximising your time with the child; if you can work flexibly on a Friday to arrive at school for collection, that means nearly a full weekend can be enjoyed by all.

Whilst the child lives in only one home, it is important that they understand their other parent has a home of their own. Contact should be encouraged to take place at the address of the parent with whom the child does not live, where possible.

This might not be possible during term-time if the parties live a very long way from each other, such that the journey time is greater than 6 hours.

Indirect contact

Modern technology allows us to keep up to date like our parents could not have dreamed of 30 years ago. Instant communication is possible through FaceTime and WhatsApp video calls, which is crucial to maintaining relationships over long distances.

These calls should be private; if you are the parent with whom the child lives, it is important to respect the relationship between the child and the other parent and to not intrude unnecessarily unless you have concerns about the content of the calls.

Regular video calls can be a useful tool in maintaining relationships over long distances.

School Holidays

The school holidays afford a prime opportunity for the parent with whom the child does not live to have some real, quality time with that parent. The holidays can be shared equally or perhaps even in favour of the non-resident parent to account for the disparity in contact during term-time.

Religious festivals can also be shared. Schools close for two weeks at Christmas and Easter generally, and also have provisions in place for other religious festivals such as Eid and Yom Kippur.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/ishybridworkingheretostay/2022-05-23

What happens to ashes and other remains?

Posted on 26th October 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

What happens to ashes and other remains?

Ryan Murphy’s true-crime series about Jeffrey Dahmer was watched for 196.2 million hours in its first week on streaming platform Netflix. Clearly, the shocking story about the horrific actions of Dahmer have had global audiences gripped. In amongst the tales about his victims, a relatively normal scene stood out to McAlister Family Law Associate, George Wilson, for reasons that many may have overlooked.

Towards the end of the series, after Dahmer has been killed in prison, the show depicts the scene of his separated parents arguing over what should happen to his remains. Dahmer’s father wished for his entire body to be cremated as per his son’s wishes. Dahmer’s mother, on the other hand, held the position that her son’s brain should be donated to University for scientific purposes. Thus, the question still stands; what happens to the remains of a person in the context of either separated parents, spouses, or anyone else for that matter. Although this topic is rather macabre, it presents itself in more cases than the general public could ever imagine.

Naturally, the death of one’s child (or significant loved one) is something that none of us would ever wish and is heart-breaking to even think of. But what happens to their remains? Does someone have more of a right to the remains than another person, for example in an urn?

The basic starting point is that a body, or the remains of one, is not property and the person who is entitled to the possession of a remains is the person who is under a duty to dispose of the body. If a body is cremated, the crematorium authority must hand over the ashes to the person who delivered the body to them. Generally speaking, there is the rule of ‘no property in a corpse’. It is not possible for a body to be gifted, or disposed of by a will, bought by one person, or sold by another. It is permitted, in statute, that the body, or part thereof, can be donated for medicine or science.

Firstly, a hospital has the right to detain a body if it is considered infectious, or if the person has passed away from a number of diseases. The coroner then has the right to take possession of the body, albeit temporarily, in order to determine the cause of death. Then, if there is a will, the person entitled to possession is the named executor of the will. In scenarios where a will is not present, the person who has the priority on intestacy will have possession and, under a very distinct set of rules, the parents of a minor child will have a duty to arrange a child’s funeral. To complicate matters even further, the case of R v Kelly held that it was possible for there to be property rights over ashes of the deceased on the basis that they have different attributes following an application of skill – that skill being the act of cremation. Notwithstanding this, this will only apply in a very specific set of cases.

It is the sad truth that, as in many family disputes involving items much less sacred than the body of a loved one, many simply cannot agree on what happens next. Some would consider that the caring of the body would fall to the next of kin, surviving spouse, parent, or other close family member. It is vital that these issues are dealt with by employing compassion and respect, both for the living and the dead, and to attempt to resolve any family dispute.

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

Posted on 4th October 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

This time of year, Instagram is full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Ruth Hetherington looks at what the Court may decide if separated parents can’t see eye to eye.

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parents and for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance. It will hopefully provide stability and security for the child during their childhood, and it will

no doubt shapes the child so as to inform their own decision making as an adult. Lifelong friendships will also be formed and therefore how your child progresses through their informative years of education can be a difficult and stressful decision for parents, particularly if there are separated and have different views on how their child should be educated.

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful. If both parents share parental responsibility, they then have a right to have a say in the decision-making process of how and where their child should be educated. This can often be an arduous task for parents, especially if one parent attempts to enrol a child into a school where the consent of the other parent has now been sought or secured.

If you share Parental Responsibility with the other parent , you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

If you cannot agree which school your child is to attend, then you should make an application for a Specific Issue Order. This means that the Court is being asked to make the decision for the parents. If one parent tries to make the decision unilaterally, then you could be faced making an application to the Court for a Prohibited Steps Order, preventing the enrolment of your child in the chosen school of the other parent..

If the decision relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child having regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) Children Act 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate. Relocation brings another added complexity to these decisions, as they may also affect the time that one parent spends with their child. These decisions should not be taken lightly and wherever possible an agreed approach between the parents is preferable to a Court making the decision. However sadly we see this scenario on a regular basis and detailed and clear legal advice is also crucial.

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, dependant of the age of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

Posted on 22nd September 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

The Office for National Statistics have recently reported that the majority of children born in 2021 in England and Wales were born out of wedlock. Here, Weronika Husejko looks at what protection is in place for unmarried couples with children should they decide to separate.

The ONS recently reported that approximately 51.3% of children were born to parents that were not married or in a civil partnership.

Whilst there has been a steady increase in children born out of wedlock over the last decade, it appears that this recent spike has been directly impacted by the COVID-19 lockdown. During the lockdown, many couples were prevented from marrying and entering into civil partnerships. As a result, far more children were born to unmarried parents.

What significance does this have?

The main impact of this trend is upon separation. This is because unmarried couples do not have the same legal protection as married couples when they decide to end their relationship.

Unfortunately, no length of cohabitation results in a married legal status. Common law marriage does not exist in England and Wales.

It is important that parents are aware of the fact that there is different financial provision upon separation for those who are unmarried. For example, married couples are entitled to apply to the Court for various Orders which unmarried couples cannot, such as spousal maintenance.

What can you do to protect yourself?

You may consider putting together a cohabitation agreement. This is an agreement between two people that decide to live together as a couple which can cover various areas including finances and child arrangements.

This type of agreement can also provide for finances upon separation. Unmarried parents can still be entitled to child maintenance and may be able to apply for various financial Orders in respect of the child from the other parent under Schedule 1 of the Children Act. However, a cohabitation agreement can provide unmarried parents with additional protection and certainty as to what the arrangements should be, both financially and with regard to arrangements for their child, in the event that the relationship ends.

It is essential that unmarried parents obtain legal advice upon separation in relation to their children and their options for financial support.

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

Posted on 15th September 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

This week we’ve seen Instagram full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Paul Reay looks at what the Court may decide if speared parents can’t see eye to eye.

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parties, for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase. For parents, it is potentially the end of what has been an extremely demanding summer holiday. No doubt, if the camera turned to take a picture of the parent waving off their beloved child, there would be a glisten in their eye at the prospect of being able to have 10 minutes peace.

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance. It is the reality that a child will form close bonds with their classmates, some who could go on to become friends for life. I know from my own experience that the majority of my closet friends I met at school became lifelong friends, some of which became my best man and groomsmen.

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful. Separated parents can often become stuck when making the all-important decision, especially if there are differences in Parental Responsibility. If you share Parental Responsibility with your spouse, you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

In the circumstance where both parents share Parental Responsibility, but one parent has made the decision on which school the child should attend, without the input or consent of the other, it could be demand unlawful.

Only this week, I was required to issue an urgent application to the Court, seeking a Prohibition Steps Order, preventing a Mother from removing a child from his long established place of education, just because she wanted to up-sticks and move to another part of the country with little or no notice given to my client. Despite raising his opposition to any proposed move his views were not respected, sadly discarded instantly, which happens all too often between separated parents.

If matters relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child and will have regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) CA 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate. Geography may require any previous agreement to be tweaked and if it is going to be the case that the child can’t see a parent often, then discussions need to be had about how this is managed; does the child have time in the school holidays, do they have the full week in the October half term?

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.