Separated Parents: Contact in the Easter Holidays

Posted on 28th March 2024 by McAlister Family Law

Separated Parents: Contact in the Easter Holidays

Over a quarter of families living in the UK are separated families who are adopting the skills of co-parenting, which itself is a learning curve. School holidays can always be a challenging time to get the balance of co-parenting right. Parents may feel pressure to ensure that holidays are memorable and struggle to know what the best arrangements might be. Here, Charlotte Brenton looks at if it is possible to make it work for both parents and the children over the Easter Break.

It is important for parents to remain child focused, work together and always consider what is in the best interest of the children.

Here are some steps families can take to positively co-parent during the Easter holidays.

Ask your children what they want

Children should grow up having special memories with both parents including in the Easter holidays which is an exciting time for them. If they are old enough, they should have an input as to how they want to spend their time in the holidays.

Parenting Plan

A parenting plan is a great way of planning ahead so parents are not left fearing the unknown when school holidays are approaching. Parenting plans are often recommended by Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service). They are a written agreement between both parents which cover practical issues for the children. It can be tailored to include the term time and holidays including Easter. It allows parents to put the children’s needs first and allows quality time with both parents for the children.

Communication

It is important that parents are open, clear and respectful whilst communicating about arrangements. There are many ways parents can communicate and this is down to the individuals. Courts are currently particularly keen on separated parents using co-parenting apps to assist with their communication. The apps include shared calendars and secure communication.

Encouragement

However difficult, the general view is that parents should always try to encourage contact between the children and the other parent unless there are real concerns about risk. Consistency and patience is key whilst allowing the children to adapt to any new arrangements. Whilst it may not always be smooth sailing the aim is to allow your children to make positive memories in the Easter holidays.

Other options available

If you are struggling to resolve child arrangements, there are always other options available.

Mediation can be helpful. This allows parents to talk through the issues they are facing with a neutral impartial third party.

Another option, where mediation isn’t appropriate or hasn’t worked is to use legal professionals to try and resolve matters.

If you are making no progress, or where there are real concerns or urgent issues, you can apply to court to make a decision. The court will decide based on what it believes is in the child or children’s best interests.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Posted on 7th March 20247th March 2024 by McAlister Family Law

Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Whilst Mother’s Day is a special time of year, celebrating the enduring love and connection between mothers and their children, for many families, it can be a difficult day. Here, Charlotte Procter looks at how communication, flexibility and planning can keep the best interest of the Child/ren at heart when Co-parenting on Mother’s Day.

There are now over 2.5 million separated families in the UK and this occasion can especially present practical challenges and emotional complexities for families post-separation.

Research consistently underscores the benefits of children maintaining positive relationships with both parents post-separation. These benefits include improved emotional resilience, academic performance, and overall well-being.

It is important that parents remain focused on what is best for the children and take into consideration their wishes and feelings. It is also important to bear in mind the emotional impact on the child if they were not to see their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally if they were not able to see their father on Father’s Day.

An unamicable breakup can involve emotions and resentment. It is important for parents not to allow these feelings to impact their child’s relationship with their other parent. If a child is aware of hostility between their parents, this can have a negative impact on their relationship with their parents.

Special occasions such as Mother’s Day can often be overlooked by parents when making agreements in relation to contact, and making these agreements can be a big task for parents who are not on amicable terms.

Planning in Advance

It is therefore beneficial that discussions about special occasions are had in advance, allowing arrangements to be made in enough time. Having a clear and agreed plan will benefit the children and remove any uncertainty.

Communication is Key

It is also important that parents maintain open and respectful communication whilst making these arrangements. Co-parenting apps, such as talking parents, can assist parents in agreeing contact arrangements for the children.

Remain Flexible

Parents will need to remain flexible with the arrangements made and ensure they remain child focused as changes may need to be made to these arrangements as the children get older.

It may be that the parents already have an agreement in place and Mother’s Day may fall on a day when the child is meant to be with their father. It may therefore be necessary for parents to swap or change weekends to allow the child to spend time with their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally for them to spend time with their father on Father’s Day.

These arrangements can be even more difficult for LGBTQ families as they may need to consider whether to split the day or alternate years.

Encouragement

It is important for parents to support their children in expressing their love and appreciation for their other parent on special occasions, and if they are able to, to help them plan thoughtful gestures or gifts.

Another important consideration is ensuring that children feel like they have the endorsement of the other parent to have a good time, to enable them to make positive memories on important special occasions like Mother’s Day.

Other Options Available

If parents cannot reach an agreement between themselves, going to mediation may be useful. This is a cheaper alternative than going to court and the mediators can help the parents to reach an agreement.

Another useful option, before considering seeking assistance from the courts, may be to seek advice from a qualified solicitor or legal professional.

However, in situations where an agreement has broken down or cannot be reached, it may be necessary for parents to look to the family to court to help them define the time that the children spend with each parent. The child’s welfare is of paramount importance within the family court and so, as part of the court procedures, the child’s wishes and feeling are taken into account.

Regardless of how parents may feel about one another co-parenting is a collaborative effort. By prioritising open communication and making practical agreements, separated parents can create meaningful Mother’s Day celebrations ensuring their children make positive memories with both parents.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

How the Metaverse may change the way separated parents spend time with their children.

Posted on 24th November 202225th November 2022 by McAlister Family Law

How the Metaverse may change the way separated parents spend time with their children.

We have all had to adjust to a very different way of life since the pandemic hit and the world has learnt to embrace a more “remote” approach to our day-to-day existence. Here, Nicola Bradley looks at the role the metaverse could play in the time parents can spend with their children.

Whilst most of our daily lives are now continuing as they were pre-pandemic; our tech giants have not lost their enthusiasm for expanding our virtual world. Earlier this year, Mark Zuckerburg announced the creation of a new remote platform that he promises will be revolutionary and life changing for us all. That platform is the Metaverse. Whilst video calls over skype, WhatsApp and Zoom are a widely and commonly used way of separated parents connecting with their children, the Metaverse promises to take this one-dimensional way of interacting and turn it on its head. It sounds fascinating but the question is, will the Metaverse actually change the way parents approach arrangements for spending time with their children, and can this new platform ever be a real (or even preferred) alternative to face to face time in “the real world”.

The Metaverse may sound mysterious but in reality, it is simply the internet but in 3D. It is a virtual reality world parallel to the physical one we all live in and will become home to digital avatars of yourself, your family, work colleagues and friends. For a parent that lives in a different country to the children and perhaps only see their children face to face a handful of times each year, this could be a really wonderful way of connecting with their little ones. Mark Zuckerberg’s “Quest Pro” virtual reality headset merges digital content with your real life surroundings, which could truly transform parenting from a distance and raise the quality of indirect contact in a way we have not imagined to be possible until now.

The Metaverse is not yet up and running however and still in the embryonic stages of existence with some worrying issues that would need to be ironed out before it could ever be considered and safe and secure platform of communication between parents and children. Meta (formerly Facebook) currently has one virtual reality world known as Horizon, and Horizon has already come under criticism for reports of avatars behaving violently. The internet is a difficult place to manage for children at the best of times and this new platform of communication certainly raises key issues regarding the safety of children online and how parents will be able to manage that.

Modern families do need modern ways of spending time with each other, but the fast development of communication technology can be both a blessing and a curse. Should the vision for the Metaverse be realised, virtual reality is likely to become a heavy feature in our everyday lives and it will doubtless be used by parents as a means to play, engage and spend time with their children. It could be no replacement, however, for going on real life adventures and a cuddle at night time when putting your children to bed. The development of the Metaverse will certainly be interesting to watch, but its replacement for face-to-face relationships remains unconvincing.

The legitimacy of Court-Appointed ‘Experts’ in parental alienation cases

Posted on 18th October 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

The legitimacy of Court-Appointed ‘Experts’ in parental alienation cases

Ruth Hetherington, Partner and Head of the Private Children Team at McAlister Family Law, and a Specialist in Children matters welcomes the announcement that the President of the Family Courts, Sir Andrew McFarlane will be overseeing an Appeal later this month in which issues of parental alienation and the use of experts will hopefully be reviewed.

What is parental alienation?

Parental alienation has been a hot topic for many years now. There is no legal definition of parental alienation, but the concept has evolved through cases that are heard in the Family Courts. Cafcass, the independent body appointed by the Court, defines parental alienation as ‘when a child’s resistance/hostility towards one parent is not justified and is the result of psychological manipulation by one parent’.

In my experience sadly, it is becoming a very common feature in cases where parents have separated and one parent, whether directly or indirectly, displays to a child or children unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent.

What are the repercussions of parental alienation?

In such cases the relationship between parent and child can be lost altogether and the courts have been struggling to deal with such cases as quite often the alienation can be subtle, difficult to identify and can take place over several months if not years.

I have acted for both parents and children in these types of situations and I have seen first-hand the harm that children suffer as a result, which can be long term and affect children in developing healthy relationships themselves.

From my point of view trying to establish that parental alienation exists is a difficult task and as such the Courts have allowed Experts (generally Psychologists) to be appointed to assist in evaluating negative behaviours.

The use of Experts in cases of suspected parental alienation.

In the case that is to be overseen by the President of the Family Courts, Sir Andrew McFarlane, later this month, the qualifications of the Expert who was appointed, will be under scrutiny. The Expert believed parental alienation had taken place, but there is concern from the Court that this Expert may not have been appropriately qualified and was not regulated by any professional body.

In my opinion the regulation of court appointed Experts is something that needs to be addressed urgently. Therefore, the announcement of this Appeal is very much welcomed, and I sincerely hope that the concept of “parental alienation” is also addressed. Although professionals who deal with matters such as these have their own working hypothesis, there needs to be clear guidance given to both professionals, parents and anyone who cares for children about how the Court will deal with cases where a parent/carer of children behaviour is not what it should be.

What needs to change?

Parental alienation can have detrimental effects on a child’s mental health and wellbeing, right into adulthood. It is my view that parents/carers need to have their children at the forefront of their minds in everything that they say and do, to protect them from what will be a sad and upsetting experience of their parents separating. It is sometimes hard for parents to hide their own feelings and as a result they lose sight of the fact that their children will pick up on their parent’s behaviours.

In my opinion children often get outlooked when ‘battle lines’ are drawn between the parents, and it is for these reasons that the Court will be assisted by an Expert. The Court’s paramount consideration is always the welfare of the children, and it is therefore understandable that the need for the Court to be guided by Experts is sometimes required.

Final thoughts

It is my hope that as awareness is raised around the detrimental impact parental alienation can have on the whole family, particularly on the children, we will get to a point where the use of Experts will be evaluated and scrutinised to ensure that the Expert is right for that particular family, appropriately qualified and only used where absolutely necessary.

It is crucial for any parent who has concerns over child arrangements, or feels they are victim to parental alienation, to instruct a lawyer who is highly specialised in children matters. This will ensure that that all matters can be addressed and will ensure that the child’s welfare is at the heart of any decision that a parent may take, which will ultimately inform the Court’s overall final decision for the arrangements of any child.

The call for fewer Fact-Finding Hearings

Posted on 23rd May 2022 by McAlister Family Law

The call for fewer Fact-Finding Hearings

In response to recent news, Associate Melissa Jones looks at the comments made by the President of the Family Division, Sir Andrew McFarlane at Resolution’s annual conference in Birmingham.

Sir Andrew McFarlane looked at the “default position” in cases where domestic abuse allegations are made and the need to have a fact-finding hearing. His comments were “There was an urban myth among some judges that the Court of Appeal in HN said there needed to be more fact-finding. That needed to be clarified.”

The court must at all stages of the proceedings, and specifically at the FHDRA, consider whether domestic violence is raised as an issue, either by the parties or Cafcass (Child and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) or otherwise. The Court will decide whether a fact-finding hearing is necessary by reference to the revised Practice Direction 12J Child Arrangements & Contact Order: Domestic Violence and Harm, which sets out what the Family Court should do in any case in which it is alleged or admitted, or there is other reason to believe, that the child or a party has experienced domestic violence or abuse perpetrated by another party or that there is a risk of such violence

or abuse.

If a Finding of Fact Hearing is required, then this is distinct and separate from other hearings. It can be a lengthy process and on average can last anywhere between 1-3 days. In some of the most serious cases of alleged domestic abuse it can last well over two weeks.

Such hearings, often seen as “mini-trials” can be financially taxing not to mention emotionally difficult for the parties involved. It is not an easy task, and a lot of time and preparation is needed coupled with the potential of such hearing causing further damage to the already fractious relationships of the parties.

There is a fine line to be drawn but care should be taken when pursuing the need for a Finding of Fact hearing and the underlying message it that it must be “necessary”. The court has a significant workload as it is, and it is only right that the court prioritises cases that Sir Andrew McFarlane refers to as those that “really do need to be heard”.

If you are affected by any of the issues raised here, please get in touch today. We are here to help you.

Court and contact with Children – What is the process?

Posted on 19th May 202219th May 2022 by McAlister Family Law

Court and contact with children – What is the process?

Are you feeling like you are on a constant contact rollercoaster, trying to agree arrangements with the other parent or carer, and knots of worry tangle you up each week? Here, Nicola Bradley breaks down the process of applying for a Child Arrangements Order and what a successful application can mean for those struggling with contact.

Does the following apply to you? Are you asking yourself if you will get to see your child? Perhaps your message is going to be left on “read” with no response. Are you always getting messages late so that last minute plans have to be made, or feeling like you are an on call babysitter and there is no structure in place. Maybe you have attended or proposed mediation, as well as other forms of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) but this has not been successful.

What can you do in this situation? It might feel like whatever you have tried before has only been met with more complications when trying to organise contact. But when you have tried everything else and nothing has worked, there may only be one option left; Court.

Should I apply to the Court?

It is common for parents to start giving themselves a hard time when court feels like your only option. But it is important to remember that being a parent or carer, although a great privilege, is incredibly challenging, and court intervention can sometimes be required to allow for a firm arrangement to be put into place. Most people see court as a last resort, but it is a real option in resolving contact issues, putting the welfare of the child at the forefront and making sure that the right outcome is found.

So what happens next?

An application for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) is made by completing the court’s C100 form. A CAO can define who the children live with; who the children spend time with, including how often and whether that contact is supervised or not; and any indirect contact such as letters or facetime calls, including their frequency.

You can also use the C100 to apply for a Specific Issue Order (SIO) if you would like the court to decide on a particular issue, such as where the child should go to school or what surname they should have. It is also used to apply for Prohibited Steps Orders (PSO) which prevent the other parent from performing a certain action, such as removing the child from the jurisdiction.

Again, the welfare of the child is paramount concern for the court and the court has to have regard to the Welfare Checklist contained in s1(3) Children Act 1989.

the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (“Cafcass”) may also be involved in your case. Cafcass are an independent body appointed by the court to make recommendations based on what is safe and, in the best interest of the child(ren). After an application is issued, Cafcass will usually speak to the parties involved and prepare an initial safeguarding letter in advance of the First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA).

In some cases, particularly where the issues are narrow, it is possible that matters could be resolved at the FHDRA. More often, the court will use the FHDRA as an opportunity to listen to the parties’ positions and make directions for further evidence to be obtained, and/or for Cafcass to conduct a more detailed safeguarding analysis known as a Section 7 Report, in advance of a Dispute Resolution Appointment (DRA).

The court typically lists DRAs for 60-90 minutes to try to enable agreement/a final order, if possible. If not, the matter will be listed for a contested final hearing before the court can determine the final child arrangements.

Whether or not the matter proceeds through to a final hearing, the court process is not a short one and generally takes between 6-12 months to complete, sometimes longer depending on the complexity of the case.

If you are experiencing difficulties agreeing arrangements for your children, please contact us as soon as possible. Our experienced family law solicitors will help you in trying to achieve the best possible outcome.

Will a history of alcohol misuse prevent you from spending time with your children?

Posted on 17th March 202222nd March 2022 by McAlister Family Law

Will a history of alcohol misuse prevent you from spending time with your children?

It is no secret that the UK has a renowned drinking culture. In England there are an estimated 602,391 dependent drinkers. According to the charity Alcohol Change UK, only 18% are receiving treatment. (https://alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/alcohol-statistics). Indeed, it was the re-opening of pubs, even in the early stages of pandemic, which signalled relief for many UK citizens and the feeling of getting back to “normal”. In this blog post, Melissa Jones discuses whether a history of alcohol misuse can prevent a parent from having contact with their child or children.

Research by Alcohol Change UK showed that almost three in ten drinkers found themselves drinking more in 2021 compared to 2020. Further, around one in six drinkers felt concerned about the amount that they had been drinking since of removal of lockdown restrictions and 25% wanted to reduce the amount they will drink in 2022.

There are of course different levels of drinking. The Chief Medical Officer’s guidelines for men and women state:

To keep health risks from alcohol to a low level, it is safest not to drink more than 14 units a week on a regular basis;
If you regularly drink as much as 14 units per week, it is best to spread your drinking evenly over three or more days. If you have one or two heavy drinking episodes a week, you increase your risk of long-term illness and injury;
The risk of developing a range of health problems (including cancers of the mouth, throat and breast) increases the more you drink on a regular basis;
If you wish to cut down the amount you drink, a good way to help achieve this is to have several drink-free days a week.

Of course, there is a world of difference between drinking alcohol and misusing alcohol and/or having an alcohol-use disorder. Misuse of alcohol is defined by the NHS as regularly drinking more than 14 units of alcohol a week.

Alcohol misuse can affect parents if it takes precedence over their other commitments and responsibilities and starts to impact their family life and their relationship with their child(ren).

Child contact and the law

The law currently presumes that it is in the children’s best interests for each parent, even when they have separated, to continue to be involved in the lives of any and all of their children, unless such involvement may subject them to a risk of harm.

The misuse of alcohol often features in cases coming before the family court, where one parent seeks to prevent another from contact with the couple’s children because of concerns around the safety of the children. That allegation may set in motion assessment (undertaken by the courts, CAFCASS or Social Services) of the risks that may be posed to the children involved.

As family law solicitors, we are all too familiar with such cases coming before family court and it is not unusual for an ex-partner to allege the other parent should have limited or no contact with the couple’s children because of previous drug and alcohol misuse and the risk such misuse poses to those children.

What measures can the court take?

The court has a number of ways it will establish and manage any potential risk:

it can order regular testing and monitoring of alcohol use, which might include hair strand testing, breathalysing pre and post child contact, the wearing of a SCRAM bracelet* or using a Portable Alcohol Monitor** (https://www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/legal-testing-services/legal-alcohol-testing/);
it can require an undertaking that the parent will not consume alcohol while having contact with their child(ren) and, in some cases, this can extend to include the period up to 24 hours before their contact with the child(ren);
it can require the parent’s attendance on specific therapeutic and remedial courses.

With parents that do experience difficulties with alcohol misuse from the perspective of the courts, there are ways of working through cases involving a parent experiencing difficulties with alcohol misuse so that children can maintain positive relationships with both parents. Experiencing such difficulties does not have to be a barrier to having contact and a relationship with your child(ren).

If you are affected by any of the issues raised here, please get in touch today. We are here to help you.

*Like a breathalyser for the ankle, the SCRAM Continuous Alcohol Monitoring (SCRAM CAM) bracelet provides 24/7 transdermal alcohol testing, automatically sampling the wearer’s perspiration every 30 minutes.

**This is a portable breath alcohol testing device with built in camera and GPS tracking, it can be set up for scheduled, random or on demand testing. This device allows for instant on demand monitoring.