Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Co-parenting on Mother’s Day

Whilst Mother’s Day is a special time of year, celebrating the enduring love and connection between mothers and their children, for many families, it can be a difficult day. Here, Charlotte Procter looks at how communication, flexibility and planning can keep the best interest of the Child/ren at heart when Co-parenting on Mother’s Day.

There are now over 2.5 million separated families in the UK and this occasion can especially present practical challenges and emotional complexities for families post-separation.

Research consistently underscores the benefits of children maintaining positive relationships with both parents post-separation. These benefits include improved emotional resilience, academic performance, and overall well-being.

It is important that parents remain focused on what is best for the children and take into consideration their wishes and feelings. It is also important to bear in mind the emotional impact on the child if they were not to see their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally if they were not able to see their father on Father’s Day.

An unamicable breakup can involve emotions and resentment. It is important for parents not to allow these feelings to impact their child’s relationship with their other parent. If a child is aware of hostility between their parents, this can have a negative impact on their relationship with their parents.

Special occasions such as Mother’s Day can often be overlooked by parents when making agreements in relation to contact, and making these agreements can be a big task for parents who are not on amicable terms.

 

Planning in Advance

It is therefore beneficial that discussions about special occasions are had in advance, allowing arrangements to be made in enough time. Having a clear and agreed plan will benefit the children and remove any uncertainty.

 

Communication is Key

It is also important that parents maintain open and respectful communication whilst making these arrangements. Co-parenting apps, such as talking parents, can assist parents in agreeing contact arrangements for the children.

 

Remain Flexible

Parents will need to remain flexible with the arrangements made and ensure they remain child focused as changes may need to be made to these arrangements as the children get older.

It may be that the parents already have an agreement in place and Mother’s Day may fall on a day when the child is meant to be with their father. It may therefore be necessary for parents to swap or change weekends to allow the child to spend time with their mother on Mother’s Day, and equally for them to spend time with their father on Father’s Day.

These arrangements can be even more difficult for LGBTQ families as they may need to consider whether to split the day or alternate years.

 

Encouragement

It is important for parents to support their children in expressing their love and appreciation for their other parent on special occasions, and if they are able to, to help them plan thoughtful gestures or gifts.

Another important consideration is ensuring that children feel like they have the endorsement of the other parent to have a good time, to enable them to make positive memories on important special occasions like Mother’s Day.

 

Other Options Available

If parents cannot reach an agreement between themselves, going to mediation may be useful. This is a cheaper alternative than going to court and the mediators can help the parents to reach an agreement.

Another useful option, before considering seeking assistance from the courts, may be to seek advice from a qualified solicitor or legal professional.

However, in situations where an agreement has broken down or cannot be reached, it may be necessary for parents to look to the family to court to help them define the time that the children spend with each parent. The child’s welfare is of paramount importance within the family court and so, as part of the court procedures, the child’s wishes and feeling are taken into account.

 

Regardless of how parents may feel about one another co-parenting is a collaborative effort. By prioritising open communication and making practical agreements, separated parents can create meaningful Mother’s Day celebrations ensuring their children make positive memories with both parents.

 

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

Dealing with allegations of child abuse in the Family Court

Dealing with allegations of child abuse in the Family Court

Here, McAlister Family Law Senior Associate, Melissa Jones, looks at a story making headlines; Titanic Actor, Ioan Gruffudd has made allegations against his children’s mother, Alice Evan, and has labelled  her a “child abuser” in court documents issued in Los Angeles.

The allegations in the court documents state: “Alice has continued to inflict serious emotional harm on Ella and Elsie by her statements and by interfering in my relationship with them’ and ‘Alice has verbally abused and undermined me in front of the girls throughout their lives.’

In this case there is an allegation that the father is being alienated from his children as a direct result of the other parent’s influence over the children.

 

What is Parental Alienation?

There is no definition in family law but Cafcass have provided helpful guidance. Cafcass use it “to describe circumstances where there is an ongoing pattern of negative attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of one parent (or carer) that have the potential or expressed intent to undermine or obstruct the child’s relationship with the other parent. It is one of a number of reasons why a child may reject or resist spending time with one parent post-separation”.

Below are some examples  of parental alienation, which covers a variety of behaviours in the child, such as:

  • fear, hostility, or disrespect towards the distant parent
  • the child constantly criticising the alienated parent, with no strong evidence or justifications for doing so
  • the child having overwhelmingly negative feelings towards the alienated parent – in the sense that these feelings are not ‘mixed’
  • the child having unwavering support of the alienator
  • the child using terms and phrases that seem to be borrowed from adult language
  • the child does not feel guilty about mistreating or hating the alienated parent

 

How does the Court deal with allegations of alienation?

This of course a case in USA, but we will take a look at what the court would do if such allegations were made in a court in England and Wales.

The law, as it stands, presumes that it is in the children’s best interests for each parent, even when they have separated, to continue to be involved in the lives of any and all of their children, unless such involvement may subject them to a risk of harm.

But is it child abuse?

The Chief Executive of CAFCASS describes parental alienation as “undoubtedly a form of neglect or child abuse”.

Allegations of parental alienation should be taken seriously.  It is commonly recognised that exposing children to alienating behaviours can be emotionally harmful to them. The overriding view is that it is in the child’s best interests to have an ongoing relationship with both parents. At the heart of every decision made by the Family Court is what course of action is in the best interests of the child.

Another twist in the Gruffudd and Evans case is that their daughter, aged 13, filed a restraining order against her father. Mr Gruffudd has blamed this application on Ms Evans and has also claimed that she has prevented the children from attending counselling.

Ms Evan’s has denied the allegation and stated in court papers that Mr Gruffudd ‘has not seen, complied with, nor called the children for 11 weeks’.

Interestingly, Ms Evans stands opposed to her and the children being subject to such court proceedings if such evaluation is based on speculation and suspicions.

Clearly this looks set to be a heavily disputed set of proceedings in which both parties will need put their case to the court.

Sadly, as can often be the case with child arrangement disputes, the children can get be caught in the middle; in this case they might know a lot more about these proceedings because of their famous parents and the fact that this is playing out in public.

If you are experiencing any of the above, then it is important you instruct a lawyer who is a specialist in such matters. It could be the case that your child holds strong views of their own but may have been coached into believing other views. This would need careful exploration in the family court, and it is important that time is not lost in the process, so early advice is recommended.

If you or someone you know is affected by the issues raised in this blog post, we can provide you with expert legal advice. For more information, please get in touch with our specialist team at hello@mcalisterfamilylaw.co.uk

Child Maintenance and Domestic Abuse – New measures to assist survivors of domestic abuse

Child Maintenance and Domestic Abuse – New measures to assist survivors of domestic abuse

New laws will soon be introduced to protect victims of domestic abuse from having to deal with the other parent, if they are the perpetrator of the abuse, in regard to child maintenance applications. Here, Melissa Jones, Senior Associate, looks at what this means for domestic abuse victims and how the Child Maintenance Service is going to support them. 

 

It’s not physical violence, is it Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is when someone close to you, often a partner or spouse causes you physical, sexual, financial or emotional hardship. It is a misconception that in order for you to be categorized as being in an abusive relationship, there must be physical violence. In many cases there is no physical violence; instead, there is psychological and emotional abuse.

Domestic violence can take many forms. Other than physical violence and threats of violence, you may feel intimidated by things that are said to you, or the manner in which you are treated. You may feel controlled and prevented from spending time with friends and family. Abuse can be verbal; you may feel belittled by your partner at home or in front of others.

In addition to the above, you might feel anxious about claiming child maintenance from the other parent, if they have been abusive towards you, because they might use a child maintenance application as a way to further contact you, harass your, intimidate you or as a way of exerting financial control.

 

What is Child Maintenance? Can I claim this?

All parents have a responsibility to provide financially for their child even if they live apart from the child and the other parent. Child maintenance can make a significant difference to a child’s wellbeing and the quality of family relationships. Child maintenance is the regular, reliable financial support parents provide for their child when they separate. It can help towards a child’s everyday living costs and give them the best start in life.

Child maintenance can be agreed voluntarily between parents. If an agreement cannot be reached, then an application can be made to the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) – a government body that assesses one parent’s financial means and can make a mandatory requirement that he or she pays child maintenance to the other.

The amount of child maintenance that will need to be paid will depend on a number of factors. For further information visit the Government website.

How will the Child Maintenance Service help me?

Under the new measures soon to be introduced, the CMS will:

  • Give you the choice, as a survivor of domestic abuse, to allow the CMS to collect Child Maintenance and make payments on your behalf. This would be without the consent of the abusive ex-partner.
  • Be given powers to report suspected cases of financial coercion to the Crown Protection Service.

 

Senior Associate, Melissa Jones comments “this is a very helpful and proactive step in tackling domestic abuse and practically assisting survivors of domestic abuse. Sadly, help for a victim is not only needed when they are still with perpetrator but long after too, and with Child Maintenance claims, protection might still be needed after the relationship has ended to prevent further emotional and financial control. The new measures are much needed, and will no doubt help a number of domestic abuse survivors in difficult times and adds an extra layer of protection as they move on with their lives.”

 

If you believe you are, or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse, then there are ways to help you, and them. At McAlister Family Law we can help victims of domestic abuse by advising them on the most appropriate course of action in their particular situation,

If you are anxious about claiming child maintenance, want to learn more about  your rights pet and want some advice, then contact our team of family experts who can advise you further.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

 

Sources

https://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed235424

I didn’t know I had a child – What are my legal rights?

I didn’t know I had a child – What are my legal rights?

If you have only just found out that you and your ex-partner have a child together, which you did not know about, you might find yourself asking ‘what are my legal rights?’. Here, Weronika Husejko looks at  parental responsibility, contact and what the court may consider.

Most parents have what is called ‘parental responsibility’.  Parental responsibility is defined as all of the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authorities which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and the child’s property.  This includes housing the child, maintaining them, and making decisions such as which school the child goes to, or whether they receive certain medical treatment.

Parental responsibility is automatically acquired by a mother by way of giving birth to the child.

The father on the other hand can acquire parental responsibility by one of four ways: –

  1. Being married to the child’s mother
  2. Being named on the child’s birth certificate
  3. By the mother agreeing for the father to have parental responsibility
  4. By applying to the Court for parental responsibility

If you did not know that you were the child’s father, the likelihood may be that you do not have parental responsibility of your child. If the mother or other parent with parental responsibility agrees for you to have parental responsibility, you can complete a Parental Responsibility Agreement. However, if the mother or other parent with parental responsibility do not agree, you can apply to the Court for parental responsibility. If granted by the Court, it will provide you with certain legal rights and responsibilities in relation to the child as mentioned above.  Even if you do not have parental responsibility, you may be able to have contact with the child. If the other parent does not agree for you to spend time with the child, there are various options available to you.  You have the right to apply to the Court for a Child Arrangements Order as a parent of the child regardless of whether you have parental responsibility.

A Child Arrangements Order regulates who and when the child is to live with, spend time with and have any other contact with. So, for example, you wish to apply to the Court for an Order that you spend time with the child on specific days.

When the Court considers this type of application, the child’s welfare will be their paramount consideration. They must have regard to the ‘welfare checklist’ which is set out by Section 1 of the Children Act 1989. This includes things such as the wishes and feelings of the child and their physical, emotional and educational needs.

You may not necessarily have to go to Court if contact with your child cannot be agreed with the mother.  Mediation is a useful option in certain circumstances. There is a requirement to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before making a Court application in any event.

If an agreement is reached for contact either directly between yourselves or via a mediator, you can put together a parenting plan. This is not enforceable by the Court however it can be very useful for parents to use it as a basis for their child arrangements.

We can provide you with specific advice as to what your rights and options are as a father. Get in touch with our specialist children team.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – Do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

The futuristic pop star, Grimes, and her equally eccentric, billionaire boyfriend, Elon Musk, are one of the most famous pairings in the world for many reasons. One of which, is their unique parenting style. Here, Nikki Bradley looks at how Grimes and Musk coparent their children and discusses why it’s okay to break the parenting ‘norms’.

She has been described as the visionary inventor of “space opera” and he as a genius supervillain. We don’t quite understand them or the nature of their relationship and despite reports they are no longer together, Grimes herself has described their relationship status in the past as “very fluid”. Our curiosity for the pair only grew when their first child together, X Æ A-Xii, was born in May 2020. The pair have since welcomed their second child, Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, born in January 2022.

A quick google of “Grimes and Elon Musk” shows the top results that follow are “baby name”, “baby”, “kids”. The otherworldly names of their children and the manner of their parenting is striking. Their children are being raised differently and the world wants to know more.

“Maybe he can sense my distaste for the word ‘mother’… I can’t identify with it”

Grimes has spoken openly about motherhood and parenting, including her decision to live apart from Elon Musk despite being romantically attached and raising two children together. Although their non-conventional parenting style does not come as surprising, one of the most shocking revelations came when Grimes revealed to Vogue that her son calls her by her real name, Claire.

She went on to explain that whilst she respects the title “mum”, it is not a term she identifies with, and she believes her son can sense her distaste for it.

“I love playing devil’s advocate, questioning my beliefs, making hard pivots”

By her own above admission, Grimes thrives off being an unconventional boundary pusher. However, when it comes to parenting and children, quirky attitudes and behaviours scare people. We may regard the age we live in as progressive, but society’s view of parenting remains incredibly conservative.

Grimes is right to challenge this.

The world thinks she and Elon Musk are weird because their style and approach to co-parenting does not fit society’s definition of “normal”.

There is no “normal” when it comes to parenting, nor is there a “perfect” way to raise your child. Children need love, protection and nurturing and a happy child will be raised in a household that keeps them safe and emotionally secure.

First time parents in particular often feel an overwhelming pressure to do things “right”. You are doing it “right” as long as you are meeting your child’s needs and acting in their best interests. The road you take to achieve that is up to you entirely.

Breaking the mould

Being a parent is not about trying to make the rest of the world happy or doing what other people tell you is correct. Being a parent is about doing right by your child and nobody else but you knows how best to do this. If you try and fit another person’s parenting mould it will feel uncomfortable, and your child will sense it. You do not want to end up a square peg in a round hole.

Do not be afraid to choose your own parenting path. Even if you are in a committed relationship with your co-parent, it may be that the “apartners” approach (committed romantically but living apart) as favoured by Grimes, is right for you and your children. It may not be a conventional but if you and your children are happy, nothing else matters.

 

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

How to cope with long-distance parenting

How to cope with long-distance parenting

In an increasingly mobile world following the Covid-19 pandemic, where more of us than ever are moving out of cities as we work from home or in a hybrid fashion, how does this impact parents who live a significant distance away from the other parent? Here, Michael Compston looks at how long-distance parenting can work though direct and indirect contact, and how the school holidays can be your friend.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, nearly half[1] of all adults were working from home at least some of the time, and 8 out of 10 adults indicate that they want to work from home in a hybrid manner moving forward.

This has led to an exodus of city dwellers as families look for more space and greener living, now that they are not as constrained by the 9-5 office job that they once were.

This will likely lead to an increase in children being relocated and, ultimately, more instances where there is a significant distance between both parents. Children can only attend one school, so how can parents agree arrangements that work for the child/ren?

The reality is that, whilst both parents will have involvement in the child’s life, the child will have one ‘home’ such that the child lives with one parent and spends time with another.

Perhaps even more so than under other circumstances, communication between the parents is vital. The parent with whom the child lives must ensure that the child’s relationship with the other parent is protected and given the chance to develop even with the distances between the parents. There are several ways that this can be done:

Direct contact

Whatever the distance, we will all travel for our children. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re the parent that lives a significant distance away from your child, any time you get with your child will be precious. It will not be suitable, for example, to return the child to school on Monday given the distances involved. Instead, think about maximising your time with the child; if you can work flexibly on a Friday to arrive at school for collection, that means nearly a full weekend can be enjoyed by all.

Whilst the child lives in only one home, it is important that they understand their other parent has a home of their own. Contact should be encouraged to take place at the address of the parent with whom the child does not live, where possible.

This might not be possible during term-time if the parties live a very long way from each other, such that the journey time is greater than 6 hours.

Indirect contact

Modern technology allows us to keep up to date like our parents could not have dreamed of 30 years ago. Instant communication is possible through FaceTime and WhatsApp video calls, which is crucial to maintaining relationships over long distances.

These calls should be private; if you are the parent with whom the child lives, it is important to respect the relationship between the child and the other parent and to not intrude unnecessarily unless you have concerns about the content of the calls.

Regular video calls can be a useful tool in maintaining relationships over long distances.

School Holidays

The school holidays afford a prime opportunity for the parent with whom the child does not live to have some real, quality time with that parent. The holidays can be shared equally or perhaps even in favour of the non-resident parent to account for the disparity in contact during term-time.

Religious festivals can also be shared. Schools close for two weeks at Christmas and Easter generally, and also have provisions in place for other religious festivals such as Eid and Yom Kippur.

 

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

 

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/ishybridworkingheretostay/2022-05-23

Noel Gallagher and Sara MacDonald to divorce after 22 years – Does the length of marriage matter?

Noel Gallagher and Sara MacDonald to divorce after 22 years – Does the length of marriage matter?

Noel Gallagher, Manchester born former Oasis member, and his wife, Sara MacDonald have announced that they are to divorce following a marriage of 22 years. Here Weronika Husejko looks at how the length of a marriage can impact divorce proceedings.

The former couple married in 2011, having begun their relationship in 2001. They have two children together, Donovan, aged 15 and Sonny aged 12, both of whom are still dependent.

It is a commonly queried whether the length of a marriage has any relevance within a divorce financial settlement. The short answer to this question would be yes.

When a Judge considers a financial settlement, they must consider section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. Section 25, amongst other things, specifies that a Judge must in particular have regard to the duration of the couples’ marriage.

What does this mean in practice? 

Generally speaking, a marriage usually falls into one of three brackets, that being either a short term, medium term or long term marriage.

A short term marriage would usually be considered to be one of up to 5 years. It should be noted however that a couple cannot divorce until they have been married for a minimum of 1 year. It is more likely that the financial settlement in a short term marriage will take into consideration pre acquired assets. A “clean break” may be considered to be more appropriate in these circumstances. However, this may not always be the case, especially if there are dependent children involved, in which case the focus would be on ensuring that the children’s needs are met.

A medium term marriage would generally be viewed as around 10 years.

Noel and Sara’s marriage would most likely be considered to be a long marriage on the basis that they began living together around 2001, their marriage being a total of 22 years. This is because a period of cohabitation that moves seamlessly into marriage will also be taken into account by the Courts, when considering the length of the marriage.

A longer marriage of this nature can often be more complex when it comes to the financial settlement. The Courts may take a different approach when dividing matrimonial assets in this type of case, compared to that of a short or medium term marriage. By way of example, it is far less likely for the Court to consider Noel and Sara’s respective contributions to the marriage.  As a result, it may be that there will be an equal division of assets, unless it is necessary to move away from a 50-50 split to meet the need of one of the spouses.

It may be that Noel and Sara have a pre nuptial agreement, in which case this may be taken into consideration by the Courts, and therefore may have an impact upon the overall financial settlement.

In any event, the Court’s  primary interest in their case will be in ensuring that the needs of both Donovan and Sonny are met.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce issues, please get in touch with our private child team at McAlister Family Law.

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

This time of year, Instagram is full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Ruth Hetherington looks at what the Court may decide if separated parents can’t see eye to eye.

 

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parents and for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance.  It will hopefully provide stability and security for the child during their childhood, and it will

no doubt shapes the child so as to inform their own decision making as an adult.  Lifelong friendships will also be formed and therefore how your child progresses through their informative years of education can be a difficult and stressful decision for parents, particularly if there are separated and have different views on how their child should be educated.

 

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful.   If both parents share parental responsibility, they then have a right to have a say in the decision-making process of how and where their child should be educated.  This can often be an arduous task for parents, especially if one parent attempts to enrol a child into a school where the consent of the other parent has now been sought or secured.

If you share Parental Responsibility with the other parent , you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

 

If you cannot agree which school your child is to attend, then you should make an application for a Specific Issue Order.  This means that the Court is being asked to make the decision for the parents.  If one parent tries to make the decision unilaterally, then you could be faced making an application to the Court for a Prohibited Steps Order, preventing the enrolment of your child in the chosen school of the other parent..

If the decision  relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child having  regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) Children Act 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate.  Relocation brings another added complexity to these decisions, as they may also affect the time that one parent spends with their child.  These decisions should not be taken lightly and wherever possible an agreed approach between the parents is preferable to a Court making the decision.  However sadly we see this scenario on a regular basis and detailed and clear legal advice is also crucial.

 

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, dependant of the age of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

The Office for National Statistics have recently reported that the majority of children born in 2021 in England and Wales were born out of wedlock. Here, Weronika Husejko looks at what protection is in place for unmarried couples with children should they decide to separate. 

The ONS recently reported that approximately 51.3% of children were born to parents that were not married or in a civil partnership.

Whilst there has been a steady increase in children born out of wedlock over the last decade, it appears that this recent spike has been directly impacted by the COVID-19 lockdown. During the lockdown, many couples were prevented from marrying and entering into civil partnerships. As a result, far more children were born to unmarried parents.

What significance does this have?

The main impact of this trend is upon separation. This is because unmarried couples do not have the same legal protection as married couples when they decide to end their relationship.

Unfortunately, no length of cohabitation results in a married legal status. Common law marriage does not exist in  England and Wales.

It is important that parents are aware of the fact that there is different financial provision upon separation for those who are unmarried. For example, married couples are entitled to apply to the Court for various Orders which unmarried couples cannot, such as spousal maintenance.

What can you do to protect yourself?

You may consider putting together a cohabitation agreement. This is an agreement between two people that decide to live together as a couple which can cover various areas including finances and child arrangements.

This type of agreement can also provide for finances upon separation. Unmarried parents can still be entitled to child maintenance and may be able to apply for various financial Orders in respect of the child from the other parent under Schedule 1 of the Children Act. However, a cohabitation agreement can provide unmarried parents with additional protection and certainty as to what the arrangements should be, both financially and with regard to arrangements for their child,  in the event that the relationship ends.

It is essential that unmarried parents obtain legal advice upon separation in relation to their children and their options for financial support.

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

This week we’ve seen Instagram full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Paul Reay looks at what the Court may decide if speared parents can’t see eye to eye.

 

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parties, for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase. For parents, it is potentially the end of what has been an extremely demanding summer holiday. No doubt, if the camera turned to take a picture of the parent waving off their beloved child, there would be a glisten in their eye at the prospect of being able to have 10 minutes peace.

 

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance. It is the reality that a child will form close bonds with their classmates, some who could go on to become friends for life. I know from my own experience that the majority of my closet friends I met at school became lifelong friends, some of which became my best man and groomsmen.

 

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful. Separated parents can often become stuck when making the all-important decision, especially if there are differences in Parental Responsibility. If you share Parental Responsibility with your spouse, you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

 

In the circumstance where both parents share Parental Responsibility, but one parent has made the decision on which school the child should attend, without the input or consent of the other, it could be demand unlawful.

Only this week, I was required to issue an urgent application to the Court, seeking a Prohibition Steps Order, preventing a Mother from removing a child from his long established place of education, just because she wanted to up-sticks and move to another part of the country with little or no notice given to my client. Despite raising his opposition to any proposed move his views were not respected, sadly discarded instantly, which happens all too often between separated parents.

 

If matters relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child and will have regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) CA 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate. Geography may require any previous agreement to be tweaked and if it is going to be the case that the child can’t see a parent often, then discussions need to be had about how this is managed; does the child have time in the school holidays, do they have the full week in the October half term?

 

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.

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