Separated Parents: Contact in the Easter Holidays

Posted on 28th March 2024 by McAlister Family Law

Separated Parents: Contact in the Easter Holidays

Over a quarter of families living in the UK are separated families who are adopting the skills of co-parenting, which itself is a learning curve. School holidays can always be a challenging time to get the balance of co-parenting right. Parents may feel pressure to ensure that holidays are memorable and struggle to know what the best arrangements might be. Here, Charlotte Brenton looks at if it is possible to make it work for both parents and the children over the Easter Break.

It is important for parents to remain child focused, work together and always consider what is in the best interest of the children.

Here are some steps families can take to positively co-parent during the Easter holidays.

Ask your children what they want

Children should grow up having special memories with both parents including in the Easter holidays which is an exciting time for them. If they are old enough, they should have an input as to how they want to spend their time in the holidays.

Parenting Plan

A parenting plan is a great way of planning ahead so parents are not left fearing the unknown when school holidays are approaching. Parenting plans are often recommended by Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service). They are a written agreement between both parents which cover practical issues for the children. It can be tailored to include the term time and holidays including Easter. It allows parents to put the children’s needs first and allows quality time with both parents for the children.

Communication

It is important that parents are open, clear and respectful whilst communicating about arrangements. There are many ways parents can communicate and this is down to the individuals. Courts are currently particularly keen on separated parents using co-parenting apps to assist with their communication. The apps include shared calendars and secure communication.

Encouragement

However difficult, the general view is that parents should always try to encourage contact between the children and the other parent unless there are real concerns about risk. Consistency and patience is key whilst allowing the children to adapt to any new arrangements. Whilst it may not always be smooth sailing the aim is to allow your children to make positive memories in the Easter holidays.

Other options available

If you are struggling to resolve child arrangements, there are always other options available.

Mediation can be helpful. This allows parents to talk through the issues they are facing with a neutral impartial third party.

Another option, where mediation isn’t appropriate or hasn’t worked is to use legal professionals to try and resolve matters.

If you are making no progress, or where there are real concerns or urgent issues, you can apply to court to make a decision. The court will decide based on what it believes is in the child or children’s best interests.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

Posted on 16th February 202316th February 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Grimes, X Æ A-Xii and not identifying as ‘mum’ – Do right and wrong parenting styles exist?

The futuristic pop star, Grimes, and her equally eccentric, billionaire boyfriend, Elon Musk, are one of the most famous pairings in the world for many reasons. One of which, is their unique parenting style. Here, Nikki Bradley looks at how Grimes and Musk coparent their children and discusses why it’s okay to break the parenting ‘norms’.

She has been described as the visionary inventor of “space opera” and he as a genius supervillain. We don’t quite understand them or the nature of their relationship and despite reports they are no longer together, Grimes herself has described their relationship status in the past as “very fluid”. Our curiosity for the pair only grew when their first child together, X Æ A-Xii, was born in May 2020. The pair have since welcomed their second child, Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, born in January 2022.

A quick google of “Grimes and Elon Musk” shows the top results that follow are “baby name”, “baby”, “kids”. The otherworldly names of their children and the manner of their parenting is striking. Their children are being raised differently and the world wants to know more.

“Maybe he can sense my distaste for the word ‘mother’… I can’t identify with it”

Grimes has spoken openly about motherhood and parenting, including her decision to live apart from Elon Musk despite being romantically attached and raising two children together. Although their non-conventional parenting style does not come as surprising, one of the most shocking revelations came when Grimes revealed to Vogue that her son calls her by her real name, Claire.

She went on to explain that whilst she respects the title “mum”, it is not a term she identifies with, and she believes her son can sense her distaste for it.

“I love playing devil’s advocate, questioning my beliefs, making hard pivots”

By her own above admission, Grimes thrives off being an unconventional boundary pusher. However, when it comes to parenting and children, quirky attitudes and behaviours scare people. We may regard the age we live in as progressive, but society’s view of parenting remains incredibly conservative.

Grimes is right to challenge this.

The world thinks she and Elon Musk are weird because their style and approach to co-parenting does not fit society’s definition of “normal”.

There is no “normal” when it comes to parenting, nor is there a “perfect” way to raise your child. Children need love, protection and nurturing and a happy child will be raised in a household that keeps them safe and emotionally secure.

First time parents in particular often feel an overwhelming pressure to do things “right”. You are doing it “right” as long as you are meeting your child’s needs and acting in their best interests. The road you take to achieve that is up to you entirely.

Breaking the mould

Being a parent is not about trying to make the rest of the world happy or doing what other people tell you is correct. Being a parent is about doing right by your child and nobody else but you knows how best to do this. If you try and fit another person’s parenting mould it will feel uncomfortable, and your child will sense it. You do not want to end up a square peg in a round hole.

Do not be afraid to choose your own parenting path. Even if you are in a committed relationship with your co-parent, it may be that the “apartners” approach (committed romantically but living apart) as favoured by Grimes, is right for you and your children. It may not be a conventional but if you and your children are happy, nothing else matters.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

How to cope with long-distance parenting

Posted on 2nd February 2023 by McAlister Family Law

How to cope with long-distance parenting

In an increasingly mobile world following the Covid-19 pandemic, where more of us than ever are moving out of cities as we work from home or in a hybrid fashion, how does this impact parents who live a significant distance away from the other parent? Here, Michael Compston looks at how long-distance parenting can work though direct and indirect contact, and how the school holidays can be your friend.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, nearly half[1] of all adults were working from home at least some of the time, and 8 out of 10 adults indicate that they want to work from home in a hybrid manner moving forward.

This has led to an exodus of city dwellers as families look for more space and greener living, now that they are not as constrained by the 9-5 office job that they once were.

This will likely lead to an increase in children being relocated and, ultimately, more instances where there is a significant distance between both parents. Children can only attend one school, so how can parents agree arrangements that work for the child/ren?

The reality is that, whilst both parents will have involvement in the child’s life, the child will have one ‘home’ such that the child lives with one parent and spends time with another.

Perhaps even more so than under other circumstances, communication between the parents is vital. The parent with whom the child lives must ensure that the child’s relationship with the other parent is protected and given the chance to develop even with the distances between the parents. There are several ways that this can be done:

Direct contact

Whatever the distance, we will all travel for our children. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re the parent that lives a significant distance away from your child, any time you get with your child will be precious. It will not be suitable, for example, to return the child to school on Monday given the distances involved. Instead, think about maximising your time with the child; if you can work flexibly on a Friday to arrive at school for collection, that means nearly a full weekend can be enjoyed by all.

Whilst the child lives in only one home, it is important that they understand their other parent has a home of their own. Contact should be encouraged to take place at the address of the parent with whom the child does not live, where possible.

This might not be possible during term-time if the parties live a very long way from each other, such that the journey time is greater than 6 hours.

Indirect contact

Modern technology allows us to keep up to date like our parents could not have dreamed of 30 years ago. Instant communication is possible through FaceTime and WhatsApp video calls, which is crucial to maintaining relationships over long distances.

These calls should be private; if you are the parent with whom the child lives, it is important to respect the relationship between the child and the other parent and to not intrude unnecessarily unless you have concerns about the content of the calls.

Regular video calls can be a useful tool in maintaining relationships over long distances.

School Holidays

The school holidays afford a prime opportunity for the parent with whom the child does not live to have some real, quality time with that parent. The holidays can be shared equally or perhaps even in favour of the non-resident parent to account for the disparity in contact during term-time.

Religious festivals can also be shared. Schools close for two weeks at Christmas and Easter generally, and also have provisions in place for other religious festivals such as Eid and Yom Kippur.

If you need advice on this topic, or any other matters concerning divorce or family law, please get in touch with our team at McAlister Family Law.

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/ishybridworkingheretostay/2022-05-23

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

Posted on 4th October 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Back to school – choosing a school between separated parents

This time of year, Instagram is full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Ruth Hetherington looks at what the Court may decide if separated parents can’t see eye to eye.

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parents and for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance. It will hopefully provide stability and security for the child during their childhood, and it will

no doubt shapes the child so as to inform their own decision making as an adult. Lifelong friendships will also be formed and therefore how your child progresses through their informative years of education can be a difficult and stressful decision for parents, particularly if there are separated and have different views on how their child should be educated.

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful. If both parents share parental responsibility, they then have a right to have a say in the decision-making process of how and where their child should be educated. This can often be an arduous task for parents, especially if one parent attempts to enrol a child into a school where the consent of the other parent has now been sought or secured.

If you share Parental Responsibility with the other parent , you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

If you cannot agree which school your child is to attend, then you should make an application for a Specific Issue Order. This means that the Court is being asked to make the decision for the parents. If one parent tries to make the decision unilaterally, then you could be faced making an application to the Court for a Prohibited Steps Order, preventing the enrolment of your child in the chosen school of the other parent..

If the decision relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child having regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) Children Act 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate. Relocation brings another added complexity to these decisions, as they may also affect the time that one parent spends with their child. These decisions should not be taken lightly and wherever possible an agreed approach between the parents is preferable to a Court making the decision. However sadly we see this scenario on a regular basis and detailed and clear legal advice is also crucial.

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child, dependant of the age of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

Posted on 22nd September 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Children born out of wedlock and separating parents

The Office for National Statistics have recently reported that the majority of children born in 2021 in England and Wales were born out of wedlock. Here, Weronika Husejko looks at what protection is in place for unmarried couples with children should they decide to separate.

The ONS recently reported that approximately 51.3% of children were born to parents that were not married or in a civil partnership.

Whilst there has been a steady increase in children born out of wedlock over the last decade, it appears that this recent spike has been directly impacted by the COVID-19 lockdown. During the lockdown, many couples were prevented from marrying and entering into civil partnerships. As a result, far more children were born to unmarried parents.

What significance does this have?

The main impact of this trend is upon separation. This is because unmarried couples do not have the same legal protection as married couples when they decide to end their relationship.

Unfortunately, no length of cohabitation results in a married legal status. Common law marriage does not exist in England and Wales.

It is important that parents are aware of the fact that there is different financial provision upon separation for those who are unmarried. For example, married couples are entitled to apply to the Court for various Orders which unmarried couples cannot, such as spousal maintenance.

What can you do to protect yourself?

You may consider putting together a cohabitation agreement. This is an agreement between two people that decide to live together as a couple which can cover various areas including finances and child arrangements.

This type of agreement can also provide for finances upon separation. Unmarried parents can still be entitled to child maintenance and may be able to apply for various financial Orders in respect of the child from the other parent under Schedule 1 of the Children Act. However, a cohabitation agreement can provide unmarried parents with additional protection and certainty as to what the arrangements should be, both financially and with regard to arrangements for their child, in the event that the relationship ends.

It is essential that unmarried parents obtain legal advice upon separation in relation to their children and their options for financial support.

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

Posted on 15th September 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

Choosing a new school – what if separated parents don’t agree?

This week we’ve seen Instagram full to the brim of ‘first day of school’ pictures, whether it’s a brand-new school or little ones progressing to the next year. But choosing which school a child attends, especially between separated parents, can be an exceptionally difficult process. Here, Paul Reay looks at what the Court may decide if speared parents can’t see eye to eye.

A child’s first day of school is no doubt a big day, whether it’s their first experience of school or going back after the holidays. It is the start of something new for both parties, for the child, a new chapter, either the start of their life in education or progression onto the next phase. For parents, it is potentially the end of what has been an extremely demanding summer holiday. No doubt, if the camera turned to take a picture of the parent waving off their beloved child, there would be a glisten in their eye at the prospect of being able to have 10 minutes peace.

The decision of which school a child shall attend is of fundamental importance. It is the reality that a child will form close bonds with their classmates, some who could go on to become friends for life. I know from my own experience that the majority of my closet friends I met at school became lifelong friends, some of which became my best man and groomsmen.

Despite the importance that surrounds the decision of which school a child shall attend, sadly it is all too common for one parent to unilaterally make that decision which can be wholly wrong and at times unlawful. Separated parents can often become stuck when making the all-important decision, especially if there are differences in Parental Responsibility. If you share Parental Responsibility with your spouse, you should consult each other in respect of big decisions that relate to the wellbeing of your child. The decision of which educational placement a child shall attend is a decision where both parents’ views should be ascertained with careful consideration being given to both sides.

In the circumstance where both parents share Parental Responsibility, but one parent has made the decision on which school the child should attend, without the input or consent of the other, it could be demand unlawful.

Only this week, I was required to issue an urgent application to the Court, seeking a Prohibition Steps Order, preventing a Mother from removing a child from his long established place of education, just because she wanted to up-sticks and move to another part of the country with little or no notice given to my client. Despite raising his opposition to any proposed move his views were not respected, sadly discarded instantly, which happens all too often between separated parents.

If matters relating to a child’s school are put before the Court, the matter then becomes a question of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parents. The Court’s primary consideration will be the needs of the child and will have regard to the Welfare Checklist (s.1 (3) CA 1989) when reaching their decisions. A change of school will undoubtedly bring disruption and upheaval to a child’s life. Their support network and friendships may be broken especially if any change requires either party to relocate. Geography may require any previous agreement to be tweaked and if it is going to be the case that the child can’t see a parent often, then discussions need to be had about how this is managed; does the child have time in the school holidays, do they have the full week in the October half term?

The above issues identified are simply the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and of course there are other factors to consider including the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child. But they demonstrate why big decisions need and require careful deliberation with the views of both parents being respected and considered.

How are holidays divided between separated parents?

Posted on 8th September 202224th January 2023 by McAlister Family Law

How are holidays divided between separated parents?

How holidays are divided between separated parents can often be a real concern, but what if parents cannot come to an agreement? Here, George Wilson looks at the factors that the family court will take into consideration when deciding what is in the best interest of the child.

How holidays, be those of a religious nature, linked to the school calendar, or something else, are divided can be a real concern for many separated parents. Many parents have struck a balance in terms of agreeing where, and with whom, a child will spend such holidays. However, sometimes separated parents will look to the family court to decide and help them, and their children. It is first important to note that any determination that the court makes in regard to holiday arrangements will take into account the specific facts of each individual case and look squarely at what is in each child’s best interests.

Often, parents who live close to one another can often reach an agreement between themselves, whereas parents who live many miles away from one another will simply not be able to achieve such an outcome. It is almost impossible to say, with any certainty, how the court would deal with each individual case without a full knowledge of the child(ren) involved, the history of the parents, and any arrangements that are already (or have been) in place. It is possible to provide some insight as to how the court might deal with certain holidays.

In terms of the school holidays, separated parents must consider the summer holidays, Easter, and half-terms.

Often, the summer holiday (being the longest school holiday) will be split on a week on, week off basis, so that there is some routine for the child(ren) concerned and so that both parents are able to spend adequate time with them. That being said, in some cases it may be that a week with each parent, and then two weeks with each parent, may work better due to overseas travel or other plans. It is rare for the summer holidays, assuming they are 6 weeks long, to be divided down the middle on 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off basis. In circumstances where one parent has not spent extended duration’s of time with the child(ren) for a long period, it may be that the court determines that there is some form of stepped plan to arrive at prolonged holiday contact.

In relation to the half-terms, many parents will simply agree to have a set half-term holiday, with the other parent taking either the remaining two holidays or agreeing to take one and divide the third. Other parents may opt for an equal division of all of the half-term holidays, with a handover of the child(ren) taking place at some point during the holiday itself. It really does boil down to what is in the best interest of the child(ren).

Easter and Christmas are slightly more complex given the religious nature of the holiday(s). Easter is often divided in the same way that the summer holiday might be dealt with, with each parent taking a set period of time with the child(ren) depending on working plans and what is best of the child(ren). Christmas can cause further issues given that the holiday is held in such importance for many people. A further blog could be written on Christmas holiday arrangements in isolation; however, many parents will opt to alternate between Christmas and new year on an annual basis. Be sure to look out for a further blog in relation to how such an arrangement might be workable closer to the festive season.

Where specific arrangements for holidays have been put into place for holidays, the usual arrangements will normally be suspended as to provide both parents with sufficient time with the child(ren), and free from the requirement to make the child(ren) available to the other parent.

Holidays are a complex issue, that many parents overlook when reaching an agreement in relation to spending time with their child(ren). It is important to consider the importance of holidays, and how child arrangements will be worked and amended around these periods. Should you wish to discuss matters involving child arrangements around the holiday periods, do not hesitate to contact a member of our specialist children team.