Gaslighting can be defined as manipulative behaviour by another person which leads you to question your feelings, thoughts, experiences, and memories. It is considered to be emotional and psychological abuse – and it is a form of domestic abuse. Victims are often left confused and questioning their sanity. It can also result in a loss of confidence.
Whilst it most commonly happens in romantic relationships, it can also occur in friendships, family relationships and between work colleagues in professional scenarios.
This is a term which has become more frequently used in recent times. However, it originates from a play about a married couple called ‘Gas Light’ which was around in the late 1930’s. The play involved a husband who would dim the lights in the family home. When his wife would point this out, he would try to make her ‘crazy’ by denying that he had dimmed the lights.
Gaslighting can be quite difficult to recognise, particularly as victims are often subject to it over a long period of time. Victims can become accustomed to this type of behaviour. Some use it as a form of control and the victim can become dependent upon that person as a result.
Examples of gaslighting can include the following:
- Denying that an event happened. Your partner for example may have physically abused you and then denied that it happened in the first place, making you doubt yourself.
- Blaming a somebody else for a mistake. A family member may blame you for their own mistake and try to make you feel guilty, even though it is not your fault.
- Making your feelings invalid. A common form of gaslighting is for your partner to tell you that you are being “too sensitive” or that you are making “too big of an issue” about something that happened.
- Using “love” to excuse certain behaviours. For example, your partner may do something unpleasant or abusive towards you and they may then excuse their actions by stating “I only did it because I love you”.
Victims of gaslighting are often left to feel powerless and unsure of what to do.
There are injunctive orders which can be applied for in order to protect yourself from this type of behaviour if it is perpetrated by a person that is “personally connected” to you. By way of example, this would include partners, ex-partners, and family members. You may be able to apply for a Non-Molestation Order or an Occupation Order (link to advice domestic abuse which sets out what a Non-Molestation Order and Occupation Order is).
If you do feel that you are a victim of gaslighting, you may wish to consider seeking help from a therapist or a counsellor. There are also various domestic abuse charities which support victims of gaslighting that can help them in leaving abusive relationships.
If you are experiencing gaslighting or any other form of domestic abuse and would like some legal advice, please contact our specialist children team who would be happy to assist.
