The Academy Award-winning actor Anthony Hopkins has been in the headlines this week for commenting on his estrangement from his only daughter. The article can be found here
Melissa Jones, Senior Associate, in the Complex Children Team, looks into this often-overlooked area and the impact it can have on families.
In this case, Anthony Hopkins is very open about separating from his wife and leaving the family home and his very young baby daughter. His daughter later commented that she would see him once a year, but they have now been estranged for over 20 years, and she has said that he has “not been a good father.”
What is remarkable in this scenario is that Anthony Hopkins commented that he did not know if he was a grandfather because of the estrangement and made the following statement: “I don’t have any idea. People break up. Families split and, you know, ‘Get on with your life.’ People make choices. I don’t care one way or the other,” he said. “You don’t have to like your family. Children don’t like their fathers. You don’t have to love each other.”
Why Does Estrangement Happen?
When parents separate, emotions can run high, and children can sometimes get caught up in the middle of it. Children pick up on cues, and if they become disconnected from another parent, i.e., they spend significantly less time with that parent than the other, it can lead to detachment and harbour negative feelings and, in some cases, complete loss of contact and estrangement.
Anthony Hopkins has been very transparent about his relationship with alcohol and that it was a very serious issue for him at the time of his separation and leaving his family. He describes walking out on his family as his greatest regret but said that “it would have been much worse for everyone if I’d stayed.”
The Power of Alternative Dispute Resolution and Mediation
As family lawyers, we see scenarios like this over the years, but what we strive to do is ensure that families stay connected. In this case, it is not clear what steps were taken to ensure that happened, and if we were looking at this case today, there would be a few immediate steps to take:
· Establish and maintain the child’s relationship with both parents.
· Alcohol misuse is not always a barrier to contact, but steps might need to be taken to ensure that contact takes place safely which might include supervised contact. Whilst this is ongoing, work can be undertaken to ensure the parent seeking help is able to stay in touch with their child and that the other parent positively promotes the relationship, where it is safe to do so.
· Engage in solicitors’ correspondence about the above and work on a parenting plan and structure to maintain contact.
· Refer the parties to mediation so that they can resolve any outstanding issues away from the court arena.
Mediation can be a very powerful tool for separating families. It can be a safe space to articulate and be open about how you wish to co-parent your child, decide on the child arrangements, and agree on other aspects of parenting. It is, of course, not for everyone, and a mediator will let you know from the outset if it is suitable for your case.
Get Advice Early On!
Early legal advice is key. Delay inevitably leads to delay, and this will not help in a case where there has been separation between a parent and a child. If you leave contact arrangements for either a sort or long period of time, it can have an impact. Your relationship with your child might become strained at a result, and it is then harder to move the contact on to have quality time with your child.
Top Tips for Separating Parents
· Keep the lines of communication open with the other parent. Make use of a parenting app like Our Family Wizard or AppClose.
· Keep communication child-focused and conciliatory. Neutral language is key; avoid inflammatory exchanges.
· Prepare a parenting plan early on, as it will help you focus on the essential needs of your child. This can be found here
Estrangement doesn’t happen overnight; it often develops gradually, sometimes over many years. When parents need time apart to focus on themselves or seek help for issues such as addiction, this is not stigmatised in family law, particularly where children are involved. However, obtaining early legal advice is always recommended to protect relationships and provide peace of mind
.If you or someone you know is affected by the issues raised in this blog post, we can provide you with expert legal advice. At McAlister Family Law, we have the experience, compassion, and energy to achieve the best possible outcome for you. Please get in touch today. Contact a member of our team today at [email protected]
